This year has been a fast one.
I don’t remember what I did in January.
I don’t remember what I did in May.
I don’t remember what I did August 31st.
But, I do remember moments. I remember trying times. I remember wanting to give up. I remember wanting to quit. I remember wanting to walk out. I remember wanting to shut myself away from the world.
It’s the end of September now. There’s less than 100 days until Christmas. And soon, 2016 will be here.
But for me, my “new year” has already begun before the drop of that oversized disco ball in Times Square.
One day, something clicked. I felt a weight leave my shoulders, my soul. And now, I can honestly say that I am fully content with having absolutely no control in this crazy chaos of life.
I realized that I have spent too many days this year trying to control other people, blaming outside forces for my unhappiness, distracted from the reality that I choose my outlook on life, how I’m going to view each day.
Finally realizing that released so much anger, so much frustration that I was letting cloud my true self. I am no longer beating myself up for “not using my college degrees.” I am no longer feeling trapped to provide for 3 other lives in addition to my own. I’m taking control, not giving others the control. I am making the best of how my life has turned out.
I declared September to be a month of gratitude. October will be a month of giving my undivided self to the people and relationships that matter most.
November and December are probably the most hectic times of year for people, even more so if you work in retail (like me), but I am determined to make those months ones filled with positive intent, quiet moments, and full of laughter and smiles.
A quote I have always told myself in stressful times, is to “let go and let God.” And I think I am finally doing just that… it just be a little bit more of “let go and let Grandpa.”
One thought on “Content with No Control”
Really nice post, Caitlyn! I know exactly how you feel… Life can get totally crazy and feel absolutely out of control sometimes! You’re doing a GREAT job and you’re an amazing person which is more important than anything in my opinion. You work hard and take good care of yourself and your friends and your kitty babies, and that will pay off and you will end up where you want to be 😉